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Goodbyes. People in general believe hearing my story that I should be used to it by now. Used to in the way that, I should be able to handle it better than the average Jane. That it’s not a big deal. It happens and you move on. How wonderful it is that I have friends all around the globe. That wherever I go, I have a place to stay. People forget that it takes money and time to actually go to these places and reconnect.
And, the way I end up handling it is staying closed and taking forever to open up to someone. LJ folks might find that strange as I am so open here with everything. But in real life, I take forever to get close to everyone. Easy right? Don’t get close to anyone, and when they leave it won’t be hard? But damned it, there are some wonderful people with whom you end up close with and then they leave and you just get all mope-y and sad and angry. Angry that you let it happen. And then of course, you admonish oneself for it because opening up helped form such a wonderful friendship, wonderful memories.
And you take every moment together left together a happy one. You have prepared yourself for this last day for months now. You always knew it was coming. From the day you met, you knew it was in the plans. You spend that last day together and remembering all the fun, sharing the fun day and when we get to the car it hits you, like a rock, right at your heart. You know there’s no, “Oh see you next week!” or “so will see you at the next outing” that we would have discussed during the get together. You are standing there, refusing to budge. As if that will somehow make that fact of departure go away and the world will be ok again. And you realise it doesn’t work that way and then the heart tugs, the tears role. Thank goodness for sunglasses that allow you to hide. Your body is hungry but your appetite isn’t there. You just feel numb the rest of the day.
Sure we are grown adults. You are told to keep it together. To be strong for your kids. Sure there’s skype, there’s facebook and all the other wonderful technological advances. But it doesn’t replace the closeness one has when one is together. And you make a pact with oneself to ensure that next time you meet someone, your one condition of friendship will be that neither will leave town, for like ten years at least.
Right.
And, the way I end up handling it is staying closed and taking forever to open up to someone. LJ folks might find that strange as I am so open here with everything. But in real life, I take forever to get close to everyone. Easy right? Don’t get close to anyone, and when they leave it won’t be hard? But damned it, there are some wonderful people with whom you end up close with and then they leave and you just get all mope-y and sad and angry. Angry that you let it happen. And then of course, you admonish oneself for it because opening up helped form such a wonderful friendship, wonderful memories.
And you take every moment together left together a happy one. You have prepared yourself for this last day for months now. You always knew it was coming. From the day you met, you knew it was in the plans. You spend that last day together and remembering all the fun, sharing the fun day and when we get to the car it hits you, like a rock, right at your heart. You know there’s no, “Oh see you next week!” or “so will see you at the next outing” that we would have discussed during the get together. You are standing there, refusing to budge. As if that will somehow make that fact of departure go away and the world will be ok again. And you realise it doesn’t work that way and then the heart tugs, the tears role. Thank goodness for sunglasses that allow you to hide. Your body is hungry but your appetite isn’t there. You just feel numb the rest of the day.
Sure we are grown adults. You are told to keep it together. To be strong for your kids. Sure there’s skype, there’s facebook and all the other wonderful technological advances. But it doesn’t replace the closeness one has when one is together. And you make a pact with oneself to ensure that next time you meet someone, your one condition of friendship will be that neither will leave town, for like ten years at least.
Right.
