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Jun. 16th, 2013 09:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smittenbyuI don't know if I ever noted this down. Several months ago, our neighbor down the corridor had knocked on our door. He is a very friendly neighbour and had shared with us his story of visiting India (a Church missionary tour) and was looking forward to going back again.
He had knocked the door one evening to share that a friend of his who had hosted him during his trip to India is visiting him for a few days and would like us to meet (because we are also Indians). We were happy to oblige. I guess I was caught off-guard and invited him over but never mentioned anything about food...sorry, haven't lost all my Asian-ness.
So, I prepared some light meal (anyway, we had to have dinner!! :P).
It turned out to be a wonderful evening. D enjoyed Dave's company and the friend he brought along. It turns out he grew up under the bridge where my in-laws live in Mumbai. We of course, took that it was some house by the bridge, but no. He's an orphan to escaped Kochi orphanage and got on a train that happened to be heading to Mumbai! One of the million street children! He eventually returned to the orphanage and took some classes, and began to teach, and moved up in life. An inspiring story.
He picked the worse off place in India, with his wife has opened a school with shelter (hostel) and has now about 6-7 kids staying in the shelter.
During their visit, and coincidently during this conversation, it was D's bedtime. She declared she would go put herself to bed. We were going through one of those stages where she would lay in bed for half hour singing and playing away in bed. She would ask us to close the door and turn off the light.
He continued to share that any child taken in under 2 years of age, shares their home. And their bed. They don't do what is done here, own bed, own room, "independence". Dave asked why. N & I stayed quiet. Simply put, they as parents know their child is safe, but the child has no idea. No fancy gadgets, games, monitors, can fill the space of a parent (mother or father or any caring adult) to make the child feel safe. He remembers the scary nights all alone in a room at night where the orphanage was understaffed and no one would come to calm their fears at night. It was a safe place, but for them the monsters made it bad. Their imaginations ran wild. Sure as an adult those nights don't affect him but he feels no child should need to go through that at least not at home. The world is a scary place, as he has seen first hand.
I remember him every time I hear anyone so freely and casually dish out the advice of let the child cry-it-out. The ones that drive me up the wall are pediatricians. There's no research to back this up. And fine if you do recommend the advice, give a handout of how to properly do it. Or if you decide to give parenting advice, give the different methods for parents to choose from. But no, people just throw it around as if it's teaching your kid riding a bicycle and it's the only "responsible" way!
Someone the other day in my friend's group said those who don't do it are just spoiling the child and being lazy. wow... they really think feeling sleep deprived for 28 months is fun and taking the easy way out?! But the funny thing, even the parents who used CIO still complain about their kids getting up at night. So, exactly how is it working??
Anyhow, this has turned into a rant...it was not meant to be. I hope there are more inspiring stories as the man's. He has two children of his own and he has adopted one more. And I wish his school does well. It's only 2 years old and slowly growing.
He had knocked the door one evening to share that a friend of his who had hosted him during his trip to India is visiting him for a few days and would like us to meet (because we are also Indians). We were happy to oblige. I guess I was caught off-guard and invited him over but never mentioned anything about food...sorry, haven't lost all my Asian-ness.
So, I prepared some light meal (anyway, we had to have dinner!! :P).
It turned out to be a wonderful evening. D enjoyed Dave's company and the friend he brought along. It turns out he grew up under the bridge where my in-laws live in Mumbai. We of course, took that it was some house by the bridge, but no. He's an orphan to escaped Kochi orphanage and got on a train that happened to be heading to Mumbai! One of the million street children! He eventually returned to the orphanage and took some classes, and began to teach, and moved up in life. An inspiring story.
He picked the worse off place in India, with his wife has opened a school with shelter (hostel) and has now about 6-7 kids staying in the shelter.
During their visit, and coincidently during this conversation, it was D's bedtime. She declared she would go put herself to bed. We were going through one of those stages where she would lay in bed for half hour singing and playing away in bed. She would ask us to close the door and turn off the light.
He continued to share that any child taken in under 2 years of age, shares their home. And their bed. They don't do what is done here, own bed, own room, "independence". Dave asked why. N & I stayed quiet. Simply put, they as parents know their child is safe, but the child has no idea. No fancy gadgets, games, monitors, can fill the space of a parent (mother or father or any caring adult) to make the child feel safe. He remembers the scary nights all alone in a room at night where the orphanage was understaffed and no one would come to calm their fears at night. It was a safe place, but for them the monsters made it bad. Their imaginations ran wild. Sure as an adult those nights don't affect him but he feels no child should need to go through that at least not at home. The world is a scary place, as he has seen first hand.
I remember him every time I hear anyone so freely and casually dish out the advice of let the child cry-it-out. The ones that drive me up the wall are pediatricians. There's no research to back this up. And fine if you do recommend the advice, give a handout of how to properly do it. Or if you decide to give parenting advice, give the different methods for parents to choose from. But no, people just throw it around as if it's teaching your kid riding a bicycle and it's the only "responsible" way!
Someone the other day in my friend's group said those who don't do it are just spoiling the child and being lazy. wow... they really think feeling sleep deprived for 28 months is fun and taking the easy way out?! But the funny thing, even the parents who used CIO still complain about their kids getting up at night. So, exactly how is it working??
Anyhow, this has turned into a rant...it was not meant to be. I hope there are more inspiring stories as the man's. He has two children of his own and he has adopted one more. And I wish his school does well. It's only 2 years old and slowly growing.
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no subject
Date: 2013-06-17 04:47 am (UTC)Spoiling the child and lazy, eh? I do admit I'd much rather roll over and nurse in bed than get up to go into another room several times a night :-) (I really don't look forward to being sleep-deprived for ~2 yrs all over again *sighs*... I wonder how cosleeping works with more than one kid? do they not wake each other up?).
no subject
Date: 2013-06-17 04:18 pm (UTC)I believe your second one will be one to sleep through the night by 4 months without any encouragement! :P Positive thoughts, vibrations, energy going your way!! Maybe by the time they are in college we will be sleeping through the night!!
My mother said, we all had slept in the same room, when my sis was born (no choice really, we were in a one bedroom apartment, which they shared with another couple also with two kids same age as my sis and I). But once we moved to a 3 bedroom house on campus, the arrangements changed because my cousin sis (10 years older) was living with us. But apparently I could sleep through anything (and hence the astonishment and D's battle with it) so having sis in the same room wasn't so hard. So, I was moved to a different room, where I shared a bed (two single beds put together) with my cousin sister. Otherwise we would have continued the arrangement apparently (if my cousin wasn't there) even if the house had a dozen rooms.
N slept with his mother and sis in one room till he was 3 years old. Then he and FIL would sleep in the living room and MIL & daughter in the bedroom. The whole notion of child sleeping alone was so alien to our parents' generation.
My friends here have the dad sleeping with the 3 year old in one room and the mother with the baby. I seem to find that being the "norm" for attached parents. Am sure you will find something that works for you! :)
no subject
Date: 2013-06-20 05:05 am (UTC)I wonder if kids/babies will quickly get used to the nighttime noises -- and not wake up so easily -- if they're "normal" noises to them? Like treating the baby's cries as background noise or something.
I was initially surprised when my aunt from Hong Kong and my mom did *not* admonish me for sharing the same bed with Téa -- they can be critical of other parenting strategies, so I was expecting the worst! -- and then I realized that's how my mom and aunt grew up as kids, sharing a family bed. Funny how sharing a family bed is so normal outside of N. America that it doesn't even come across as an issue at all.
no subject
Date: 2013-06-19 02:20 am (UTC)