smittenbyu | skin colour...

It wasn't my first time, but it still caught me off-guard. On Saturday, N & D went to an art fair in the neighbouring neighbourhood. There was a whole area of kids arts and crafts. It was a lot of fun! One of the booths gave out play-sticky-moustaches. D kept it for later use.

So, yesterday we were meeting for a preschool class playdate at the playground. Well, while the kids played we gave feedback on the procedures, experiences at school, etc.

D decided she wanted to be a boy out to the park. So, she got out her mustache, wore my sunglasses and her hat and she was ready to go!

So, the many kids at the playground were amused. One girl even came up and asked what she was today! And when I said, "a man", she asked why she picked that for today! Hmmm...I have no idea. D just said, "because" and left it at that.

Then there were many slides to slide on and friends to meet up while I talked to the caucus and N watched D. Towards the end a friend and her son also joined D at the playground and our meeting ended and everyone was heading home.

By the end D was hungry and she decided she was done wearing the mustache and we put it away. That same girl from earlier had come over to ask what happened to the mustache. And I shared D wanted to be a girl again. She was done being a man.

She seemed to find that reason acceptable and as d ran off to join her friend, the girl went on to ask, "why is her skin colour that way?" I asked her what she meant. "why is her skin colour different? Where was she born?" I responded that she was born here. She looked puzzled and didn't understand why D's skin colour would be different. I was just about to answer because her mom and dad have the skin color, so does she.

But before I could her dad was walking over reading something on his smartphone and called her over to head home!

Bah!

Hers was an innocent question, but this thought is so prevalent among adults. This news headlines brings that to mind. But I hope by the time D is an adult she doesn't face such questions. That she is accepted wherever she is for who she is.

My first time of hearing about colour of skin was when I was watching my middle school dance teacher's 5 year old daughter. She had asked me to wash my hands properly because my hands were still brown! I remember being so puzzled. I had shared with her that I did wash my hands. I even went to the bathroom to show her I did. And only then realising that she was confused. It wasn't that she wasn't surrounded by non-whites. She just was stuck to that rule, "wash your hands till you get all the mud (color brown) is off your hands".

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Well, I think the girl asked it very innocently, and I'd rather they ask than raise children to pretend to be color-blind, because children simply aren't color blind.

Erika has already asked about our skin colors too, and maybe it's easier because she's biracial and we talked about it in terms of her dad being light and I'm darker, and she sort of came out "in between", so we then talked about how everybody is made with different colors but it still makes us all boys and girls, just the same.

Asking "where she was born" is just wrong, though. That goes to show... hmmm... taht part I do go "bah!!" over!

http://www.timwise.org/2010/09/new-study-colorblindness-reduces-kids-ability-to-see-challenge-racism/

oh completely agree that the little girls' was an innocent question. I really did want to answer her question. I was thinking maybe she knows friends/family who adopted from abroad?

Divya regularly uses skin colour to describe people! :S

Have you read the chapter in Culture Shock? It's audience is more for the caucasians but feel it applies to everyone! A good (important) conversation to have.

Adelaide has asked me about skin colour. She's also asked me about why her hair is different to D's, which is loooong and pin straight. And she's asked me why S talks in Afrikaans with her family. For me, growing up, it was the opposite - I was the one touched and poked all the time because I was different. I think kids are always going to notice the differences, even in an accepting world, it's just how the questions are dealt with that makes the real difference. :)

Also, because Adelaide is so interested by science I've started to talk to her about genetics and about how that determines why we are so different. I figure if I arm her with the facts from the very get go and don't shroud it in airy fairy myth, differences will just be accepted as a matter of fact. Plus I've always been excited about how the generic pool can make so many differences so I hope to pass that on - make our differences exciting rather then alarming.

Ooo! Good approach!

D observes too, but she just makes statement of fact. Doesn't ask why. But yeah. I usually go with, "yes people come in all shapes and colors". She looks at me for stating the obvious.

I do hope that parents do take up the conversation and state facts/information or at least if they don't know find out.

even at barely 2.5, Klea has already started to pick up on skin color. She has a really good friend who is Pakistani, and the other day she saw another Pakistani girl and called her by her friends name. So I picked up a book in the library called "one world, our world", that explains very simply differences in culture etc and weve been reading that. but when we get to any child with brown skin, she points to him and asks why his skin is the color of poo. i dont even know how she connected those two, and id feel awful if she said that to someone at nursery or something! i think all of these questions about differences are innocent and normal, its how we handle them. and im not sure even what is the right way to handle them except to say that we might be different on the outside but all the same on the inside kind of thing. but she is two! she still points to that boy in the book and calls him "poo" and ive had to resort to saying "its not nice to call someone that klea" which i think was the wrong reaction as now she does it just for that reaction...if that makes sense.

anyway, my first experience with skin color was when i was 10. my mom, being white, married a latino man. we would go over to his family's house and i desperately wanted to be like the other children, running up to their gran for hugs and speaking spanish. one time, a little kid a bit younger than me told me i couldnt do those things because i was white, and all the other kids laughed. i felt ashamed and embarrassed, it was an awful feeling. but if its not skin color with kids, it will be something. breaks my heart, wish i could protect klea from all the cruelty of the world!

haha D would do that. She had a good Japanese friend. And if she saw another Japanese girl, she would almost go up to say hi and then stop when she realises it wasn't her. D loves that book, "one world, our world'. I know... I am nervous about how I would react!

I remember feeling completely out of place growing up in Rome, international school, where all my classmates were of mixed race. I was the only one who was just Indian, not Italian-American or Chinese-Brit, etc. I remember feeling so bad about it. None of my friends taunted me about it or anything. So, can't imagine how painful that experience for you must have been!

i wonder if kids will just feel out of place, over something, no matter what. my mom is an international school teacher in Abu Dhabi and Ive been to her school many times, Ive never seen a more diverse group of kids/people in one place at one time. This year, her students represent 16 different countries...and youre right, a lot of them come from multicultural families. where i grew up, in arizona, you were "cool" if you moved there from another STATE...I dont think I ever met someone from a different country until I was double digits in age. i hope i can build klea's confidence so that she never feels inferior/out of place/ashamed/etc about anything. but sadly i think its part of the learning process, you have to feel that (hopefully mildly) to learn and grow from it...and get stronger.

One thing I wish my parents instilled in me when I was a kid is to be proud of who I am (not arrogant-proud, but not embarrassed). Kids can be cruel with their comments, but usually it's out of ignorance or what the adults around them have taught them. My schoolmates didn't comment on my skin colour, but they did make fun of my language and food, leading me to hide and throw out my lunches for a couple of school years. Funny, because now that I think about it, Toronto is supposed to be a multicultural city...?

Going to find One world, our world :-)

skin colour...

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